Adding to the conversation in Soul Step number 7.
What are the enemies to your peace and how do your overcome them?
I recently had a great conversation with a group of women about Self Love.
We talked about a lot of things it is and isn’t.
It’s Not about pie in the sky, Pollyanna thinking, or spouting endless affirmations that mean nothing to you. It’s Not about thinking you can’t love others as you grow your own self love. It’s Not about selfishness either. Well, it kinda IS about a good kind of selfishness.
It’s more about filling yourself up in ways that work for you no matter what others think. Protecting your emotional or physical boundaries even whet it’s uncomfortable. Learning to move into or out of relationships or situations that don’t line up with who you are on the inside, despite the fear of change. Meeting your own emotional needs instead of asking others to do it for you.
It’s about speaking and acting from a place of peace and understanding. It’s knowing deeply that a bit of you resides in everyone and everything on this planet. It’s the wise teaching to do unto others as you would have done unto you. Because really self love is simply about loving others too as you can’t treat others poorly and love yourself at the same time. Not possible.
There’s more. It’s also about Loving what is in the moment because right now it can’t be anything other than it is. Loving others in the moment because right now they can’t be anything other than what they are . Loving yourself despite your flaws and mistakes because right now you can be no different in this moment.
Essentially, self love is loving yourself into the fullest, truest version of who you are and it takes acceptance, awareness, and inner excavation. It requires patience, insight, and stillness. It means asking “What’s the most loving thing I can say or not say, do or not do, think or not think.” When you ask the questions the answers will come.
This love opens potential. It creates space. It relaxes resistance. It gives you room to breathe.
It helps you notice when you’re off tract and gives you space to recalibrate for your next step. Sometimes that next step is to do nothing. Sometimes, it’s more inner excavation until you reach some clarity.
If you’re wondering what to do in a situation ask yourself this question:
If I loved myself I would …
The most loving thing to do is…
Keep coming up with answers until you reach an aha moment.
Like this post? I recommend for you: Self Mastery The Art of Becoming You
Got a problem you need Help with? Book an Appointment and bring your biggest issue that concerns you right now. We’ll look at your thinking around it , we’ll process the emotions in a simple healing way, and we’ll work on a new higher thought pattern for better outcomes. Book an Appointment with Veronica
Do you criticize yourself when learning a new skill?
Are you guilty of picking out all the things that went wrong after a meeting, performance, lesson, or new experience?
Have you considered SUPPORTING yourself instead?
All of our children (we have three) have learned musical instruments. All talented in their own way. One is very relaxed about his approach. Sees the good in every performance. One is in the middle, did her best, maybe saw how she could have done better, but moved on pretty quickly. The other, beat herself up for every little mistake, every note slightly off pitch, every little hiccup. A stickler for excellence but also often sabotaged her efforts before she began.
Now she’s trading in sabotage for support.
Learning the spiritual laws of “alignment” will support the learning process and the magic that accompanies excellence.
Alignment means ‘joining up’ with the true energy of any moment.
The highest possible outcome.
The pure positive energy from which we come.
After all, every cell in your body is pure positive energy.
Lining up with that energy changes everything.
Three ways to Reinforce your Learning and Support your Efforts:
Are you learning something new?
Begin supporting yourself.
Try the three methods above – Gratitude, Visualization, Meditation.
Let me know how it turns out!
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I’m coming to the end of a very long and mostly uphill climb.
Writing a book.
It’s called Soul Steps:52 Ways to Reconnect with Spirit.
I think it was in 2009 that I first invited two friends and colleagues to join a writing project with me.
Although I’ve known this to be an important goal that required completion, it’s been very tedious at times.
A very long journey!
One requiring much patience, respect, open hearted communication, humility, tenacity, education, endurance, love, and ultimately so much growth along the way.
We are on the final stages of the layout now as the last edits sit with the publisher. (Pssst… secret … there are no FINAL edits! Writers are never satisfied with their work.)
There were moments when I didn’t know how it would be completed.
Times when I didn’t even want to look at it.
Even a few years where it lay dormant. Untouched.
But something in me knew this was a project that required my devotion.
Even during those dormant years it crept into my consciousness, calling me back to it’s purpose.
No matter how much patience it took, no matter how many rocks in the road, no matter what shade the nay sayers threw my way, I knew deep down it was part of my path.
Do you have something niggling at you like that?
Do you have a desire to complete a course of study, a secret project, a special hobby? To start a business, learn a skill, go on a journey?
Are you harbouring a message from your inner knowing that has a way of seeping into your consciousness? A little candle burning in the window for when you come home?
Trust that your Spirit has your back. It knows where you’re headed. Whatever “It” is, it will keep coming back to you time and time again to get your attention. To nudge you forward. Maybe it’s part of your purpose. Maybe it’s your joy. Maybe it’s both.
Here’s an excerpt from the workbook section in Soul Steps on listening to your Spirit:
“The noise associated with fear is what keeps most of us from moving forward. Where are you allowing this noise to shout over the calm messages from spirit? Can you let go of this fearful voice in pursuit of growth and happiness? Don’t trample your desire to move out of darkness with fearful thoughts. Move lightly towards them. Realize that any thoughts that feed your fear are from the ego. The ego is hurried, loud, and dramatic. The Spirit is consistent, kind, and calm. Let your Spirit sit in the driver’s seat and watch for signs in repeated positive thoughts, in softer words, and in an impulse towards uplifting and inspired action. Only move towards what feels loving and delightful to you. Finish these sentences: If I wasn’t afraid I would … If I acted from love I would … The most delightful thing to do is …”
So what’s niggling at you?
What’s trying to get your attention?
I know that writing is something that delights me, despite its obstacles and blemishes.
If you could do anything (and you can), what’s the most delightful thing you would do?
With Love, Veronica
Veronica Connors B.Ed, M.Ed, CSLC
Don’t leave without Getting Weekly
It’s not something I ever thought I’d be saying to my daughter at the age of 15.
It’s not something I’m even sure how to express.
But we have celebrated her cancerversary for the past three years and each year it means something different.
This week was Grace’s third cancerversary, and again we attempt to honour her journey through Leukemia.
Three years ago we moved into an altered state of existence and I feel like we are just beginning to wake up!
Just starting to live more fully again. Just starting to breathe more deeply.
To relax into the possibility that everything will be ok.
Still struggling with the disease. Still struggling with fear and the heartbreak of not knowing.
Chocolate cake to celebrate.
Grace and her brother Harry, had a taste and then beat it up – smashed it to pieces.
Wrestling with what was going on, with a dash of “We’ll beat this” thrown in.
Still struggling to reach a stable response.
Sad and fearful at times.
Not knowing when things would become “normal” again.
That year, we ate the cake!
A pensive moment beforehand.
At “Light it up Pink at Marble.”
A good way to support others fighting cancer.
Mostly a meaningful way to mark Grace’s journey at Year 3.
A moment of release.
Hopefully for good.
Some things we learned along the way:
Do the most important thing in front of you at the time.
That might just be putting one foot in front of the other.
Next, move the other foot.
Crisis instantly brings an opportunity for acceptance.
There’s always a choice.
Accepting the unacceptable is a gift you give yourself.
When things get really scary, take a breath and remember the big picture.
Basically there is only love.
Love each other.
Pour some more love into the situation.
The next time you find yourself faced with crisis, fear, anger, torment, and suffering.
Try not to push it away or keep it at bay.
Walk towards it.
Explore the fear.
Move deeply into it.
Sit beside the suffering.
As Pema Chodron said, “Right down there in the thick of things, we discover the love that will not die.”
Veronica Connors, B.Ed., M.Ed., CSLC
Author, Spiritual Life Coach, Self Mastery Teacher
Don’t Leave Without Getting Uplifted and Inspired on a weekly Basis
Tuesday Feb. 13th a group of women came together for a yoga/meditation evening. In fact is was a group of co-workers.
Myself and two yoga teachers and friends put the session up for auction to help raise money for the high school band and a very thoughtful woman purchased the auction item for herself and her co-workers.
We had a wonderful evening.
A full hour of nurturing our bodies, mind, and soul with yoga and relaxation and then 45 minutes of meditation and spiritual conversation.
Afterwords the ladies had a spa evening at Marble Inn and the three instructors had a delicious meal at Madison’s fine dining restaurant.
Things that stood out during the evening:
Caring co-workers comes to mind. These women really wanted to take care of themselves and each other.
Some said it was the first time they had ever taken the time to do something like this for themselves.
We had some light moments of big belly laughter and some vulnerable moments of sharing after meditation.
THE TAKE AWAY:
Self Care is the first line of treatment for a fully lived life.
It involves nurturing your physical, mental, emotional, & spiritual self.
Women are nurturers.
Women need to be nurtured.
It starts with taking the time to nurture yourself.
PS – We are planning another evening like this!
Includes yoga, mediation, and swim or sauna.
Maximum of 10 people
Don’t Leave without getting your
Weekly VC Inspiration
So Valentine’s Day was yesterday.
Saint Valentine married people who were being shunned in his society. Sweet!
Many of us still celebrate his devotion to love by trying to show our loved ones how much we appreciate them on Valentine’s Day. Not always an easy thing, right? Sometimes we get it right and some times we get it so wrong!
Now our puppy Ori – she’s pretty ease to please. Showing her love is not very complicated. She loves belly rubs, to run along side us when we bike, her favourite toys – lamby, hedgehog, and squirrel. She loves frozen pb treats and digging in the snow and laying in any puddles of water she can find. She also loves getting her picture taken.
It’s so easy to show her love because her language of love is very easy to understand. Just look how happy she is posing for this pic.
People can be a little more challenging to love than our pets. Not because they are less loveable but because we humans have different languages of love. Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages can help you figure it out.
One thing I’ve learned as a Spiritual Teacher is that our basic need is to be validated. But the tricky part is figuring out how those in your life feel validation. In other words, what are their languages of love?
Dr. Chapman’s background is in the area of anthropology and linguistics. He studied many languages and how to communicate beyond language. He realized that to communicate effectively we must learn the language of those we communicate with. After 30 years of marriage counselling, Dr. Chapman realized the same was true for marriages. He discovered that each person had their own way of feeling loved. “Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English.” It gets a lot easier to “LOVE” your partner when you understand their love language.
There are 5 languages of Love:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
If your partner’s language is primarily words of affirmation then compliments, hearing “I love you”, or a good ole fashioned love letter on valentine’s may please her more than the elaborate night out you plan every year.
You can take a test to find out your language of love. Better still ask your partner to take the test too. Usually you have a combination of the five languages of love. One or two will stand out.
Seldom do partners have the same love language and we often try to give our spouse the gifts we wish we were receiving ourselves. But perhaps it’s time to learn your partner’s secondary and maybe even primary language. Speaking his emotional language can help bring those loving feelings to the forefront of your day, everyday, helping you create a long-lasting and satisfying relationship.
Maybe you’ll look forward to the next Valentine’s Day because you’ll know just how to show your partner how much they are loved. Maybe you’ll look forward to tomorrow because you are better equipped to create those lovable moments.
Happy Heart Day!
B.Ed, M.Ed, CSLC
Spiritual Life Coach, Author, Self Mastery Teacher
Today was the last day for a 10 week meditation class with a group of truly wonderful women from the West Coast of Newfoundland.
It’s always interesting to see who comes together for a class and what each person hopes to achieve for themselves.
One thing we all have in common at the end of each class is that we learn to create more space for peace in our lives.
Space to breathe.
Space to observe.
Space to quite our inner turmoil.
Space to see we are Not the drama, we are Not the chaos, we are Not the pain, we are Not the upset, we are Not the sadness.
We are bigger than all of that.
We can learn to return to our natural state of peace when we simultaneously cognize and intuit this on a deeper level.
Ah … peace.
When you learn to create it from the inside out you know…
It’s a possibility.
It’s a probability.
And you have all the power.
Author, Spiritual Life Coach, Teacher
The Beach Boy’s sang the words “Wouldn’t It Be Nice If … we were older and didn’t have to wait so long.” Or “wouldn’t it be nice if we could live in the kind of world where we belong.”
They were on to something beautiful.
They knew how to dream and use their imagination to see their lives a little nicer.
Spiritual Teachers Abraham -Hicks use the phrase “Wouldn’t it be nice if … ” to help others reach for a better feeling place and to create something different in their lives.
I LOVE this technique for the ease of shifting the mind.
A better feeling place is where your power resides.
Have you ever gotten anywhere from feeling hopeless?
Have you ever produced what you wanted when you felt this way?
So instead of focusing on the hopelessness of what’s in front of you.
Dream up something better.
Every thing you see that’s good in this world was first an idea before it came into fruition.
When you focus on your ideas often enough that they start to FEEL real , then you are getting close to creating the essence of that idea.
So start here.
Wouldn’t it be nice if …
Now make up your own.
Wouldn’t it be nice if …
Veronica Connors, B.Ed., M.Ed., CSLC
Spiritual Life Coach
Self Mastery Teacher
Sign of for VC Inspiration:
Well, I’ve been thinking of the essence of this work.
Trying to capture what clients need when we’re together.
It’s almost always to reveal a particularly damaging negative thought.
AND… when we get down to it —
It’s never True.
Are you in pain right now?
Are you suffering because of your thoughts about a person, a circumstance, or yourself?
Something you THINK someone has done to you?
Something you THINK you have done to someone else?
Or something you think you Are or Are Not?
Let’s take a look.
I am poor! (A statement – a thought -a belief – and an untrue one at that.)
Turn it into a question.
Am I really poor?
As Byron Katie would say, “Is it absolutely true?”
Ask yourself “Is it absolutely true that I am really poor?”
Now. Look at the facts.
Do you absolutely have nothing? Are you poor in money? In Spirit? There are many ways to be poor – socially, emotionally, poor in health, poorly educated, poor in family connections, etc.
Do you have absolutely no access to prosperity? I doubt it very much. I’m pretty sure you can find some way you are Not poor.
So now you see that you were telling your self a lie.
Now you see you have some things. Yes?
You are prosperous in some ways? Yes?
Now this new thought (I have some things) will be you’re jumping off point to a better life.
Why? Because your thoughts create how you feel and how you feel influences how you act and how you act causes the outcomes in your life.
When you look at the ways you are not poor then you will also see that you are in fact, not poor! And you’ve been telling yourself a lie that is actually harming you and your access to more prosperity.
It harms you because it affects other thoughts about having richness in your life AND those thoughts attract more like thoughts that harm you and you create the “poor me” syndrome. But you can shift out of that.
The point is that if you want to feel better you have to challenge your negative thinking, not only because it’s not true, but because it’s harming you.
Lets look at another one:
“I am responsible for things that happen to others?”
Turn it around. Ask a question?
Am I responsible for things that happen to others?
Find the facts. There is actually very little that we can ‘make happen’ in other people’s lives.
Look instead, for reasons that people are responsible for themselves.
Don’t try and steal their power.
Stop beating yourself up for what has happened to other people.
It really doesn’t help them or you.
The only thing you are truly responsible for is You.
Choose your thoughts deliberately.
Challenge the ones that harm you.