The Gifts of Worry

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So you’re worried about your child, your finances, your marriage, your health, or your parent’s health. All of the above?

Worry that loops in your mind and causes a reaction in your body projects the energy of what you’re worried about into the future.

It keeps the energy alive.

You then think more thoughts that make you feel more worried and because you feel more worried you become frozen in procrastination.

Procrastination creates even more feelings of worry because the solution is no where in site and in turn you get stuck deeper and deeper in non action perpetuating the problem even further.

In the end you’re left with feelings of Deep Helplessness.

Sound familiar?

Believe it or not Worry has it’s Gifts.

Yes it does.

Tend to your worry.

Ask yourself what exactly drives your worry?

Name it – say it out loud or write it down. This dissipates the energy. It makes it manageable. It takes you from being IN the worry to seeing that you can have space. Space between you and your circumstance.

Now you can begin to see that you are actually outside the circumstance. You can watch the storm but not be blown away by it.

Ask yourself “What needs to be done?”

Soothe your procrastination and perpetual momentum for worry by taking small actionable steps towards the solution.

Let your mind think thoughts of progress instead of thoughts of overwhelm.

Go ahead be picky about what you think. Choose thoughts that serve you.

You don’t need to do everything at once.

Watch your feelings of helplessness turn to empowerment as you prepare for what’s in front of you.

Take advantage of the wonderful gifts of worry.

Preparation… Awareness … Focus … Action

Do what absolutely needs to be done in this moment.

It’s usually a small thing.

Dissipate your worry and project something different into your future.

A viable solution.

Something you create yourself by tending to your feelings of worry.

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Ebb and Flow

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Being Awake – being mindful, is about being present in the only moment you have.

This present moment.

It’s not about being at peace all the time.

There will always be difficult moments that rise up and then subside.

There will always be the ebb and flow of pain and discomfort.

But also the ebb and flow of happiness and laughter.

Neither is meant to be avoided and neither is meant to stay.

It’s just your experience.

Both have tons to teach you:)

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Not Right or Wrong. Not Good or Bad.

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Are you afraid to change because you don’t like to feel uncomfortable when you try something different?

Do you shy away from that difficult conversation because you feel uneasy?

Or do you avoid moving to higher ground because you think your feelings are negative?

Your feelings may be uncomfortable but that doesn’t mean they’re negative.

They aren’t right or wrong.

They’re not good or bad.

They are just your feelings.

And they come with important messages.

They have gifts for you if you’re willing to see them all the way through.

Just to name a few …

Anger carries the gift of boundary defence.

Frustration brings you persistence which you need to reach your goals.

Envy motivates you to change.

Sadness marks an ending.  It’s ok to be sad when things end.

Don’t avoid these amazing feelings! They may be uncomfortable but they’re packed with positive messages that will get you positive results in your life if you don’t push them away.

Don’t chase them out, or pretend they don’t exist.

Don’t put a tub of ice cream on top of them either.

Welcome your feelings.

Learn to process them and express them in the right degree, to the right person, at the right time. ( By the way, sometimes that person is yourself.)

Let your feelings be part of your full experience.

They have gifts for you.

If you’re willing to feel them.

 

Veronica

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Veronica Connors, M.Ed., CSLC
Spiritual Life Coach
Self Mastery Teacher
Intuitive & Reiki (CRA-RP)
www.veronicaconnors.com

Meditate to Rehabilitate

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I consider meditation a form of rehabilitation for every aspect of human suffering – painful emotions, an overactive mind, seemingly dire circumstances, an ailing body or a dampened Spirit.  When I first began to meditate I would fall asleep, a lot!  My husband started to call it sleep-i-tation.  But sometimes that’s what the body needs:)  I was a mom of three small kids and I was tired. So it made sense that I would fall asleep if I took a moment of stillness. Other than giving me more sleep, meditation has transformed my life. When I decided I would “wake up” things really started to change.  Meditation has enhanced my way of existing so that now I can move through a busy or sometimes upsetting day with a heightened awareness, clarity, and access to calmness. Have you ever seen the movie “The Matrix?” In the movie the characters experience life in slow motion at times.  With a meditative daily devotion, instead of a FAST FORWARD  button I now have access to a pause button.  And I only need to meditate 20 minutes a day to find this pause.  Because of the pause, I’ve uncovered an ability to respond to the circumstances of the day without getting overwhelmed by them.  Well sometimes I get overwhelmed, but  I can manage the overwhelm more easily. Life is always going to throw drama and undesirable circumstances your way, that’s never going to change.  Daily stillness can help manage those dramatics and help you regain your balance in the midst of turmoil.

Meditation has a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual component that transmutes into positive changes and awareness in all these areas. Emotionally I have become more aware of my ego defences and I can avoid the mini-dramas more easily. They still happen but I don’t engage as often or even feel the desire to do so.  It allows me to see my way clear when situations get complicated.   It affords me the ability to move out of  little irritabilities more quickly. When practising on a regular basis, meditation helps me become the observer so that I become more aware of my behaviour patterns and can often circumvent emotional triggers. It quiets my mind chatter and connects me to my creative Self. Ultimately, it helps me connect to my Spirit and reminds me I am not my roles, my past, or my fears.

“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ” Anais Nin

Meditation Class starts next week locally in Corner Brook — learn  a form of quiet meditation that’s intrinsic to conscious living.  The class is 7 Wednesdays from 10-11 January 13th to February 24th, 2016 at the Lovely Ocean View Inn & Spa

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83 Problems are Normal, Change is to be Expected, Self Mastery is your Freedom

There’s a story about Buddha’s 84th Problem.  Have you heard it?

There’s an old farmer who went to the Buddha seeking help for his problems.  Either droughts or monsoons made his work difficult, he complained to Buddha.  What’s more, he grumbled, even though he loved his wife, there were certain things about her he wanted to change. Likewise his children – yes, he loved them, but they weren’t turning out quite the way he wanted.

” I’m sorry, but I can’t help you, ” Buddha told the farmer.

“What do you mean?” railed the farmer. ” You’re supposed to be the great One, the all wise and knowing Teacher!”

“All human beings have 83 problems,” the Buddha replied. “A few problems may go away, but soon enough others will arise.

“So, we’ll always have 83 problems?” the farmer asked indignantly, “Then what’s the good of all your teaching?”

The Buddha answered, “My teachings cannot help with your unique set of 83 problems because that’s  part of why you’e here – to experience them and grow, but perhaps my teaching can help you with your 84th problem?”

“What’s that?” asked the farmer.

“The 84th problem is that you don’t want to have any problems.”

You will always have problems.  Life is always changing.  But becoming the master of your Self and knowing that you are a spiritual being having a human experience will bring freedom to all your experiences.

Self mastered individuals learn to release their ego attachments. They learn to manage their minds, rehabilitate their emotions, and raise their personal vibration and so can you.

How happy you are is directly proportional to how tied you are to a certain outcome, situation, or the actions, comments, and thoughts of others.

How happy your are is directly proportional to how free you choose to be.

You can choose freedom. The choice comes in the thoughts you choose to think and the emotions you create based on your thoughts.

You can free yourself from perceived suffering …

One thought at a time.

One feeling at a time.

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Veronica Connors, M.Ed., CSLC

veronicaconnors.com

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Green and Growing

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Have you heard of the saying that you’re either Green and Growing or Ripe and Rotting.   Doesn’t sound very good if you’re on the rotting side.  But the sentiment can help to shift perspectives that are keeping you stuck.

Are you open to the idea that you’re more than your body?  More than your mind? You are an energetic being.  The frequency your energy  emanates is your point of attraction and you are always attracting something.  Energy is never still.

Even if you continue to re-create the same situations in your life you’re not really staying still.  You’re only focusing your attention on the same thing over and over so that you create it again and again.

If you’re looking to the past and ruminating on who did what to you then you are creating the same energy in the present.  Energy grows where your focus goes.  That’s what it means to be ripe and rotting.  You’re ready for change but it seems like you’re staying the same because you give your attention to the status quo.

If you want to be  green and growing, look to where you want to go.  Catch yourself when you’re having negative thoughts about the way things are or the way things used to be.  Re-create your life by being conscious of where you put your focus.  If you want to be green and growing your attention has to be green and growing too.

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Acknowledging the Gap

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I recently watched the movie “Take this Waltz” by Sarah Polley.    Sarah Silverman plays the sister in law (Geraldine) to Michelle Willams  (Margot).

I loved, loved, loved the above scene. Geraldine is struggling with alcoholism and after celebrating her sobriety months before she loses her  status with a hard fall to the reality of the challenge.  She left her little one at home, the police are called, and she arrives home with many witnesses to her drunk driving.  She uses alcohol to fill “The Gap.”

This scene captures the essence of “The Gap.” As human beings, spiritual beings living a human existence, we feel this gap mostly on a daily basis.  It’s that  hole or ache that exists and is rarely acknowledged – the sour feeling after someone disagrees with your opinion at work, the loneliness of a young mother as she struggles with the challenges of a new baby, or the lack lustre days of marriage that inevitably are part of any long term relationship.

“The Gap” is that space that is un-fillable with activity, food, alcohol, or any of the “over” doing we turn to when we feel the ache.

Margot feels the ache in her everyday marriage and looks to find adventure with a man she met on a plane in hopes of filling the gap.

Geraldine’s take is that Margot gave up a really good marriage to a really good man in search of something that we all experience.

I love Geraldine’s acknowledgement of the gap.

What is the Gap?

In the Gap

It’s the distance between our true whole self and the things that separate us from our heart – blame, shame, guilt, judgement, depression, anxiety, procrastination etc.

When you acknowledge it, you lessen the lure to fill it with something outside yourself.

Geraldine chooses alcohol.  Aware it’s only a temporary plug all the same.

Margot chooses another man. Only soon after, she begins to feel it return.

How can you fill the gap?

Not with any of things we typically use. Alcohol, sugar, drama, working too much, being too busy, etc.

You fill the gap by first acknowledging it exists.

Then you follow it with validation and self love.

Start by asking yourself what behaviours or patterns do you participate in excessively?

Acknowledge the Gap.

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Find Relief One Feeling at a Time

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Trying to Make a Change? First be Curious in a Gentle Way.

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You want to create a change – perhaps to be a faster runner, to lose weight, or to be a kinder person.

Ever wonder why you’ve been trying to make the same change for the last 5 years?

If you put the actual ‘change’ before awareness you kind of make a statement to the world that you’re somehow wrong, bad, or broken.

This keeps you stuck in the negative mind loops of not being good enough, or smart enough, or strong enough to create what you want.

And anything your mind considers bad is something you will try and avoid, big time!

So the same habits you’re trying to change seem more resolute.  Giving you even more proof that you’re not good enough or smart enough!

Before you attempt to make a change, be curious. Let yourself gently become aware of your patterns with no judgement.

Take an inquisitive approach, and become the observer.

Be curious about the way you use energy when you run, the chocolate you eat when you’re lonely, or the way you act towards your loved ones when you’re overtired.

The simple light of consciousness, kindness, and inquisition is enough to shift the energy.

It puts your inner critic out of work.

It makes change easier because you no longer see yourself as broken.

And that’s enough to begin the process of transformation.

Now you and your mind are working together.

And…change is finally easier!

Do you know someone who’s frustrated with a change they’ve been trying to make?  Please share.

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Don’t Let Your Opinion Keep You Stuck In Pain

So are you in pain today?

Are you suffering from what’s happening in your life?

Pain comes from wanting something to be different than it is.

Are you wanting something to be different than it is?

Practise this great technique: separate fact from fiction.

The facts are the circumstances:  Your job is changing. Your bank account is low.  There’s illness in your family.

The fiction is what’s happening inside your head!

It’s your opinion ABOUT the circumstances.

Usually this opinion is not based on fact but on some pretty big fears.

Don’t let your opinion keep you stuck in pain.

Identify the facts.

Then focus on where you want to go.

Think about how you would like to feel.  How you want things to be.

The pain is optional.

If you Know of someone in your life feeling stuck in a painful opinion then please go ahead and share this post.   

If you’re in pain yourself and would like to comment on the fact or fiction in your situation please leave a “heart to heart” comment below.  I ‘d love to hear from you.

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ARE YOU RESISTING OR ALLOWING?

Resistance is holding onto things that don’t serve you.

You can be resisting your goals simply by holding onto:

  • Negative thoughts
  • Draining relationships
  • Harmful habits
  • Clutter

Allowing is clearing positive space in your life, cleaning up negative thoughts and emotions, and basically letting go of anything that keeps you stuck.

Start to allow good energy to flow by gently releasing current ‘energy drains’ in your life.

What can you let go of today?

  • Complaining about the weather, your neighbour, or your husband?
  • That toxic friend that only brings you down anyway?
  • One outfit from your closet that feels schlumpy?
  • A pile of magazines in the corner of your living room?
  • That one nasty habit you’ve been wanting to quit for years?

These are all forms of resisting and they are keeping you from what you want.

Letting go of resistance has an accumulative effect.

Consider each small act of letting go, a giant step towards allowing.

It picks up energy and builds momentum toward the good.

You don’t always need to figure out how to make your goals happen.

You just need to ALLOW them to come to you.

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