If I loved myself I would …

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I recently had a great conversation with a group of women about Self Love.

We talked about a lot of things it is and isn’t.

It’s Not about pie in the sky, Pollyanna thinking, or spouting endless affirmations that mean nothing to you.  It’s Not about thinking you can’t love others as you grow your own self love.  It’s Not about selfishness either. Well, it kinda IS about a good kind of selfishness.

It’s more about filling yourself up in ways that work for you no matter what others think.  Protecting your emotional or physical boundaries even whet it’s uncomfortable. Learning to move into or out of relationships or situations that don’t line up with who you are on the inside, despite the fear of change.  Meeting your own emotional needs instead of asking others to do it for you.

It’s about speaking and acting from a place of peace and understanding. It’s  knowing deeply that a bit of you resides in everyone and everything on this planet. It’s the wise teaching to do unto others as you would have done unto you. Because really self love is simply about loving others too as you can’t treat others poorly and love yourself at the same time. Not possible.  

There’s more. It’s also about Loving what is in the moment because right now it can’t be anything other than it is.  Loving others in the moment because right now they can’t be anything other than what they are . Loving yourself despite your flaws and mistakes because right now you can be no different in this moment.

Essentially, self love is loving yourself into the fullest, truest version of who you are and it takes acceptance,  awareness, and inner excavation. It requires patience,  insight, and stillness. It means asking “What’s the most loving thing I can say or not say, do or not do, think or not think.”  When you ask the questions the answers will come.

This love opens potential. It creates space. It relaxes resistance.  It gives you room to breathe.

It helps you notice when you’re off tract and gives you space to recalibrate for your next step.  Sometimes that next step is to do nothing. Sometimes, it’s more inner excavation until you reach some clarity.

If you’re wondering what to do in a situation ask yourself this question:

If I loved myself I would …

or

The most loving thing to do is…

Keep coming up with answers until you reach an aha moment.

With Love

Veronica

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Like this post? I recommend for you: Self Mastery The Art of Becoming You 

Got a problem you need Help with?  Book an Appointment and bring your biggest issue that concerns you right now.  We’ll look at your thinking around it , we’ll process the emotions in a simple healing way, and we’ll work on a new higher thought pattern for   better outcomes.  Book an Appointment with Veronica

 

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Did you have a Happy Valentine’s Day?

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So Valentine’s Day was yesterday.

Saint Valentine married people who were being shunned in his society. Sweet!

Many of us still celebrate his devotion to love by trying to show our loved ones how much we appreciate them on Valentine’s Day.  Not always an easy thing, right? Sometimes we get it right and some times we get it so wrong!

Now our puppy Ori – she’s pretty ease to please.  Showing her love is not very complicated.  She loves belly rubs, to run along side us when we bike, her favourite toys – lamby, hedgehog, and squirrel.  She loves frozen pb treats and digging in the snow and laying in any puddles of water she can find.  She also loves getting her picture taken.

It’s so easy to show her love because her language of love is very easy to understand.  Just look how happy she is posing for this pic.

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People can be a little more challenging to love than our pets.  Not because they are less loveable but because we humans have different languages of love.  Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages can help you figure it out.

One thing I’ve learned as a Spiritual Teacher is that our basic need is to be validated. But the tricky part is figuring out how those in your life feel validation. In other words, what are their languages of love?

Dr. Chapman’s background is in the area of anthropology and linguistics. He studied many languages and how to communicate beyond language. He realized that to communicate effectively we must learn the language of those we communicate with. After 30 years of marriage counselling, Dr. Chapman realized the same was true for marriages.  He discovered that each person had their own way of feeling loved. “Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English.”  It gets a lot easier to “LOVE” your partner when you understand their love language.

There are 5 languages of Love:

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Receiving Gifts

Acts of Service

Physical Touch

If your partner’s language is primarily words of affirmation then compliments, hearing “I love you”, or a good ole fashioned love letter on valentine’s may please her more than the elaborate night out you plan every year.

You can take a test to find out your language of love. Better still ask your partner to take the test too.  Usually you have a combination of the five languages of love. One or two will stand out.

Seldom do partners have the same love language and we often try to give our spouse the gifts we wish we were receiving ourselves.  But perhaps it’s time to learn your partner’s secondary and maybe even primary language.   Speaking his emotional language can help bring those loving feelings to the forefront of your day, everyday, helping you create a long-lasting and satisfying relationship.

Maybe you’ll look forward to the next Valentine’s Day because you’ll know just how to show your partner how much they are loved. Maybe you’ll look forward to tomorrow because you are better equipped to create those lovable moments.

Take the Test

Happy Heart Day!

Veronica

B.Ed, M.Ed, CSLC

Spiritual Life Coach, Author, Self Mastery Teacher

www.veronicaconnors.com

veronica.connors@nf.sympatico.ca

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To Be Grateful OR Not To Be Grateful

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A growing body of research continues to support that an attitude of gratitude has tons of benefits – it improves your relationships and helps you feel like you’re bonding better with others. It improves your emotional well being because you release those good feeling hormones in the brain when you think thoughts that feel good. It also improves your health because it has been shown to calm anxiety, help you sleep better, and decrease feelings of depression.

But gratitude is not just about keeping a journal or saying thank you. In order for gratitude to truly transform your life it’s important to:

  • Feel the gratitude in your body because it’s a practise, it involves both a mental and emotional shift.
  • Lessen the activities that are the opposite of gratitude. The practise of gratitude is not just shifting into the feeling of appreciation but also shifting out of unappreciative habits that keep you in low energy.  Habits like:
    • complaining
    • blaming
    • criticizing
    • having an irritable disposition
    • raging at other drivers
    • rushing around with your kids

If you want the benefits of gratitude you also need to look at how you’re blocking gratitude in your life.  How can you STOP the block of gratitude? It’s an important part of creating the life you want.

To truly create the positive flow of energy that gratitude brings, you may want to make this shift – consciously choose gratitude but also be consciously aware of when you’re choosing something else.

In gratitude:)

Veronica 

Spiritual Life Coach

Author

Self Mastery Teacher

veronicaconnors.com

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Not Right or Wrong. Not Good or Bad.

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Are you afraid to change because you don’t like to feel uncomfortable when you try something different?

Do you shy away from that difficult conversation because you feel uneasy?

Or do you avoid moving to higher ground because you think your feelings are negative?

Your feelings may be uncomfortable but that doesn’t mean they’re negative.

They aren’t right or wrong.

They’re not good or bad.

They are just your feelings.

And they come with important messages.

They have gifts for you if you’re willing to see them all the way through.

Just to name a few …

Anger carries the gift of boundary defence.

Frustration brings you persistence which you need to reach your goals.

Envy motivates you to change.

Sadness marks an ending.  It’s ok to be sad when things end.

Don’t avoid these amazing feelings! They may be uncomfortable but they’re packed with positive messages that will get you positive results in your life if you don’t push them away.

Don’t chase them out, or pretend they don’t exist.

Don’t put a tub of ice cream on top of them either.

Welcome your feelings.

Learn to process them and express them in the right degree, to the right person, at the right time. ( By the way, sometimes that person is yourself.)

Let your feelings be part of your full experience.

They have gifts for you.

If you’re willing to feel them.

 

Veronica

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Veronica Connors, M.Ed., CSLC
Spiritual Life Coach
Self Mastery Teacher
Intuitive & Reiki (CRA-RP)
www.veronicaconnors.com

E-Motion: Energy In Motion

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The Sanskrit word Prana means “life force” energy that moves through the body..

Emotions are part of this energy and are meant to flow.

Anger for example is a healthy emotion and when you allow anger to flow naturally through the body you receive the gifts that accompany it – boundary protection and fairness.

You may have learned from your role models or through experience that emotions like anger or shame are not to be expressed but rather denied, repressed, or diminished in some way. If due process is denied, emotional energy will linger in the body.  Perhaps showing up in a tense shoulder or aching joints, depending on where you hold your stress. Contracting muscles over and over in the body is one way of attempting to restrict the flow of uncomfortable emotions. Using the mind to repress feelings is another way.  If you deny feelings of anger you may  turn to blaming yourself or others in order to try and process your feelings through your mind instead of feeling them in the body.  This of course doesn’t work.  You can’t “think” away your feelings – you have to feel them!  Blaming is just another way of keeping anger at bay.

Learning to let emotions flow naturally will allow you to create a healthier body, peaceful mind, and promote spiritual growth.  Take a step towards soothing your Soul by learning to process your emotions in a healthy way:

Soul Step : Take stock of slow moving emotional energy or frozen emotions in your body.  Let the negative stories you hold on to be a pointer to potentially stagnant energy. Do you have stories you revisit over and over and ultimately, emotions you have yet to process? Begin to move the energy by sharing, not the story, but how you feel or felt.  You can also share by writing in a journal. However be aware there is power in having a witness to your pain and sharing it with another Soul.  The power of that exchange transmutes to emotional freedom within your energy.

Soul Message:  What were the three top feelings that came up for you?  What message did you receive as you allowed these feelings to emerge?  What did they teach you?

Soul Focus: Emotional honesty doesn’t come easily but the effort will lend authenticity to your relationships and promote wisdom in the emotional realm.  When you move your feelings through you instead of freezing them you began to feel more balanced on a daily basis and you are able to create emotional intimacy more easily in your relationships.  You also free your energy to be used in other ways.  What areas of you life are calling you to be more emotionally honest? Is it your marriage? Relationships at work? Finances or spending habits? The body’s wisdom is vast. Trust it and notice what you feel and where you feel it in the body. That’s enough to begin the healthy emotional flow of energy.

(Excerpt from Soul Steps: 52 Ways to Reconnect with Spirit – Balboa Press – Winter 2015)

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