If I loved myself I would …

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I recently had a great conversation with a group of women about Self Love.

We talked about a lot of things it is and isn’t.

It’s Not about pie in the sky, Pollyanna thinking, or spouting endless affirmations that mean nothing to you.  It’s Not about thinking you can’t love others as you grow your own self love.  It’s Not about selfishness either. Well, it kinda IS about a good kind of selfishness.

It’s more about filling yourself up in ways that work for you no matter what others think.  Protecting your emotional or physical boundaries even whet it’s uncomfortable. Learning to move into or out of relationships or situations that don’t line up with who you are on the inside, despite the fear of change.  Meeting your own emotional needs instead of asking others to do it for you.

It’s about speaking and acting from a place of peace and understanding. It’s  knowing deeply that a bit of you resides in everyone and everything on this planet. It’s the wise teaching to do unto others as you would have done unto you. Because really self love is simply about loving others too as you can’t treat others poorly and love yourself at the same time. Not possible.  

There’s more. It’s also about Loving what is in the moment because right now it can’t be anything other than it is.  Loving others in the moment because right now they can’t be anything other than what they are . Loving yourself despite your flaws and mistakes because right now you can be no different in this moment.

Essentially, self love is loving yourself into the fullest, truest version of who you are and it takes acceptance,  awareness, and inner excavation. It requires patience,  insight, and stillness. It means asking “What’s the most loving thing I can say or not say, do or not do, think or not think.”  When you ask the questions the answers will come.

This love opens potential. It creates space. It relaxes resistance.  It gives you room to breathe.

It helps you notice when you’re off tract and gives you space to recalibrate for your next step.  Sometimes that next step is to do nothing. Sometimes, it’s more inner excavation until you reach some clarity.

If you’re wondering what to do in a situation ask yourself this question:

If I loved myself I would …

or

The most loving thing to do is…

Keep coming up with answers until you reach an aha moment.

With Love

Veronica

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Three Ways to Support Yourself

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Do you criticize yourself when  learning a new skill?

Are you guilty of picking out all the things that went wrong after a meeting, performance, lesson, or new experience?

Have you considered SUPPORTING yourself instead?

All of our children (we have three) have learned musical instruments.  All talented in their own way.  One is very relaxed about his approach.  Sees the good in every performance.  One is in the middle, did her best, maybe saw how she could have done better, but moved on pretty quickly.  The other, beat herself up for every little mistake, every note slightly off pitch, every little hiccup.  A stickler for excellence but also often sabotaged her efforts before she began.

Now she’s trading in sabotage for support.

Learning the spiritual laws of “alignment” will support the learning process and the magic that accompanies excellence.

Alignment means ‘joining up’ with the true energy of any moment.

The highest possible outcome.

The pure positive energy from which we come.

After all, every cell in your body is pure positive energy.

Lining up with that energy changes everything.

Three ways to Reinforce your Learning and Support your Efforts:

  1. Express gratitude for what you’re doing right.  After a performance or practise search out at least three things you truly appreciate about your efforts.
  2. Visualize how you want things to be. After appreciating what went right you might see things you’d like to improve.  Now take the time to visualize yourself improving those elements.
  3. Sit in stillness – meditate every day.  Basically simply sit in stillness and breathe for a few minutes every day. This one is a so big! Lining up with the  pure positive energy  that you are also lines you up with pure positive thinking, pure positive emotions, and pure positive outcomes.

 

Are you learning something new?

Begin supporting yourself.

Try the three methods above – Gratitude, Visualization, Meditation.

Let me know how it turns out!

With love,

Veronica

www.veronicaconnnors.com

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Happy Cancerversary!?

Happy Cancerversary.

It’s not something I ever thought I’d be saying to my daughter at the age of 15.

It’s not something I’m even sure how to express.

But we have celebrated her cancerversary for the past three years and each year it means something different.

This week was Grace’s third cancerversary, and again we attempt to honour her journey through Leukemia.

Three years ago we moved into an altered state of existence and I feel like we are just beginning to  wake up!

Just starting to live more fully again.  Just starting to breathe more deeply.

To relax into the possibility that everything will be ok.

Cancerversary #1

Still struggling with the disease.  Still struggling with fear and the heartbreak of not knowing.

Chocolate cake to celebrate.

Grace and her brother Harry, had a taste and then beat it up – smashed it to pieces.

Wrestling with what was going on, with a dash of “We’ll beat this” thrown in.

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Cancerversary #2

Still struggling to reach a stable response.

Sad and fearful at times.

Not knowing when things would become “normal” again.

That year, we ate the cake!

A pensive moment beforehand.

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Cancerveresary #3

At “Light it up Pink at Marble.”

A good way to support others fighting cancer.

Mostly a meaningful way to mark Grace’s journey at Year 3.

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A moment of release.

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Hopefully for good.

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Some things we learned along the way:

Do the most important thing in front of you at the time.

That might just be putting one foot in front of the other.

Next, move the other foot.

Crisis instantly brings an opportunity for acceptance.

There’s always a choice.

Accepting the unacceptable is a gift you give yourself.

When things get really scary, take a breath and remember the big picture.

Basically there is only love.

Love each other.

Love yourself.

Pour some more love into the situation.

The next time you find yourself faced with crisis, fear, anger, torment, and suffering.

Try not to push it away or keep it at bay.

Walk towards it.

Explore the fear.

Move deeply into it.

Sit beside the suffering.

As Pema Chodron said, “Right down there in the thick of things, we discover the love that will not die.”

With Love,

Veronica

Veronica Connors, B.Ed., M.Ed., CSLC

Author, Spiritual Life Coach, Self Mastery Teacher

www.veronicaconnors.com

veronica.connors@nf.sympatico.ca

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THE ALOHA SPIRIT

FullSizeRender-6 copy 3.jpgMy sister AnnMarie, recently took me to Hawaii for my 50th birthday!

Of course we had an amazing time together and many adventures – an open door helicopter ride, hiking diamond head, and swimming with the turtles.

Since I’ve been home I find myself thinking about the special quality of the people on the Island of Honolulu.

Their beautiful greeting is a significant part of what I remember.

More than a simple greeting, it’s a way of life.

It holds a sacred representation that is palpable.

ALOHA …

An expression of love

It reminds us to be in the present

To be humble

To be kind to all living things

To be truthful

To be patient

A recognition that we are part of everything – the comfortable and the uncomfortable, the joy and the pain

Aloha is life itself

Aloha is breath

What a beautiful and unique reminder of living a conscious life.

A reminder used so often every single day.

This got me to thinking about our greeting — ‘Hello’

Did you know that Hello means ‘Stop and Pay Attention’

This makes me laugh because that’s precisely an imperative awareness when getting more conscious in your life.

First STOP negative ways of thinking, feeling, and acting and then PAY ATTENTION to the present moment to connect with your spiritual side. This is the beginning of change.  Of course there are many things you can learn to help you do this but STOP and PAY ATTENTION certainly captures the essence.

I Love the synchronicity of both greetings.

So whether it’s the beautiful ‘Aloha’ greeting of the people of  Hawaii, or the familiar ‘hello’ of our own culture, remember the deeper meaning when you greet your fellow human being…

Pay attention.

Be present.

Love is what’s important.

We are all the same.

We are part of everything.

ALOHA

Veronica

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Gather Your Scattered Energy

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When you let your ego mind lead, your energy will scatter to all the little dramas in your life.

Think of it as bleeding energy to every negative thought you have, every busy moment, every physical discomfort, every argument with others.

Remember you are not your thoughts and your thoughts don’t rule you unless you let them.

The reality is that most of us let our thoughts run the show.

But we are not our minds.  We are much much bigger than our mind energy.

This energy is for our use.  We are not meant to be lead around by it.

Learn to be aware of where your energy goes and how it’s used.

Take the time to gather your inner power, pull it back into your heart space.

“Meditation is the key to your spiritual practice. If you have the right key in your hand, no matter how tightly the lock is closed, when you take the key and turn it the lock falls open, if you use your mediation key you’ll open your intuitive heart to your heart’s desires.”  AJAHN CHAH

Sit in stillness.

Breathe

Walk in nature.

Breathe

Listen to uplifting music.

Breathe

Gather your energy.

Pull it in.

It’s yours to use as you please.

It’s yours to care for as well.

Learn to open your intuitive heart to your heart’s desires.

Begin by gathering your energy.

and breathe:)

Veronica

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The Gifts of Worry

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So you’re worried about your child, your finances, your marriage, your health, or your parent’s health. All of the above?

Worry that loops in your mind and causes a reaction in your body projects the energy of what you’re worried about into the future.

It keeps the energy alive.

You then think more thoughts that make you feel more worried and because you feel more worried you become frozen in procrastination.

Procrastination creates even more feelings of worry because the solution is no where in site and in turn you get stuck deeper and deeper in non action perpetuating the problem even further.

In the end you’re left with feelings of Deep Helplessness.

Sound familiar?

Believe it or not Worry has it’s Gifts.

Yes it does.

Tend to your worry.

Ask yourself what exactly drives your worry?

Name it – say it out loud or write it down. This dissipates the energy. It makes it manageable. It takes you from being IN the worry to seeing that you can have space. Space between you and your circumstance.

Now you can begin to see that you are actually outside the circumstance. You can watch the storm but not be blown away by it.

Ask yourself “What needs to be done?”

Soothe your procrastination and perpetual momentum for worry by taking small actionable steps towards the solution.

Let your mind think thoughts of progress instead of thoughts of overwhelm.

Go ahead be picky about what you think. Choose thoughts that serve you.

You don’t need to do everything at once.

Watch your feelings of helplessness turn to empowerment as you prepare for what’s in front of you.

Take advantage of the wonderful gifts of worry.

Preparation… Awareness … Focus … Action

Do what absolutely needs to be done in this moment.

It’s usually a small thing.

Dissipate your worry and project something different into your future.

A viable solution.

Something you create yourself by tending to your feelings of worry.

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Ebb and Flow

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Being Awake – being mindful, is about being present in the only moment you have.

This present moment.

It’s not about being at peace all the time.

There will always be difficult moments that rise up and then subside.

There will always be the ebb and flow of pain and discomfort.

But also the ebb and flow of happiness and laughter.

Neither is meant to be avoided and neither is meant to stay.

It’s just your experience.

Both have tons to teach you:)

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Not Right or Wrong. Not Good or Bad.

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Are you afraid to change because you don’t like to feel uncomfortable when you try something different?

Do you shy away from that difficult conversation because you feel uneasy?

Or do you avoid moving to higher ground because you think your feelings are negative?

Your feelings may be uncomfortable but that doesn’t mean they’re negative.

They aren’t right or wrong.

They’re not good or bad.

They are just your feelings.

And they come with important messages.

They have gifts for you if you’re willing to see them all the way through.

Just to name a few …

Anger carries the gift of boundary defence.

Frustration brings you persistence which you need to reach your goals.

Envy motivates you to change.

Sadness marks an ending.  It’s ok to be sad when things end.

Don’t avoid these amazing feelings! They may be uncomfortable but they’re packed with positive messages that will get you positive results in your life if you don’t push them away.

Don’t chase them out, or pretend they don’t exist.

Don’t put a tub of ice cream on top of them either.

Welcome your feelings.

Learn to process them and express them in the right degree, to the right person, at the right time. ( By the way, sometimes that person is yourself.)

Let your feelings be part of your full experience.

They have gifts for you.

If you’re willing to feel them.

 

Veronica

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Veronica Connors, M.Ed., CSLC
Spiritual Life Coach
Self Mastery Teacher
Intuitive & Reiki (CRA-RP)
www.veronicaconnors.com

Meditate to Rehabilitate

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I consider meditation a form of rehabilitation for every aspect of human suffering – painful emotions, an overactive mind, seemingly dire circumstances, an ailing body or a dampened Spirit.  When I first began to meditate I would fall asleep, a lot!  My husband started to call it sleep-i-tation.  But sometimes that’s what the body needs:)  I was a mom of three small kids and I was tired. So it made sense that I would fall asleep if I took a moment of stillness. Other than giving me more sleep, meditation has transformed my life. When I decided I would “wake up” things really started to change.  Meditation has enhanced my way of existing so that now I can move through a busy or sometimes upsetting day with a heightened awareness, clarity, and access to calmness. Have you ever seen the movie “The Matrix?” In the movie the characters experience life in slow motion at times.  With a meditative daily devotion, instead of a FAST FORWARD  button I now have access to a pause button.  And I only need to meditate 20 minutes a day to find this pause.  Because of the pause, I’ve uncovered an ability to respond to the circumstances of the day without getting overwhelmed by them.  Well sometimes I get overwhelmed, but  I can manage the overwhelm more easily. Life is always going to throw drama and undesirable circumstances your way, that’s never going to change.  Daily stillness can help manage those dramatics and help you regain your balance in the midst of turmoil.

Meditation has a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual component that transmutes into positive changes and awareness in all these areas. Emotionally I have become more aware of my ego defences and I can avoid the mini-dramas more easily. They still happen but I don’t engage as often or even feel the desire to do so.  It allows me to see my way clear when situations get complicated.   It affords me the ability to move out of  little irritabilities more quickly. When practising on a regular basis, meditation helps me become the observer so that I become more aware of my behaviour patterns and can often circumvent emotional triggers. It quiets my mind chatter and connects me to my creative Self. Ultimately, it helps me connect to my Spirit and reminds me I am not my roles, my past, or my fears.

“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ” Anais Nin

Meditation Class starts next week locally in Corner Brook — learn  a form of quiet meditation that’s intrinsic to conscious living.  The class is 7 Wednesdays from 10-11 January 13th to February 24th, 2016 at the Lovely Ocean View Inn & Spa

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83 Problems are Normal, Change is to be Expected, Self Mastery is your Freedom

There’s a story about Buddha’s 84th Problem.  Have you heard it?

There’s an old farmer who went to the Buddha seeking help for his problems.  Either droughts or monsoons made his work difficult, he complained to Buddha.  What’s more, he grumbled, even though he loved his wife, there were certain things about her he wanted to change. Likewise his children – yes, he loved them, but they weren’t turning out quite the way he wanted.

” I’m sorry, but I can’t help you, ” Buddha told the farmer.

“What do you mean?” railed the farmer. ” You’re supposed to be the great One, the all wise and knowing Teacher!”

“All human beings have 83 problems,” the Buddha replied. “A few problems may go away, but soon enough others will arise.

“So, we’ll always have 83 problems?” the farmer asked indignantly, “Then what’s the good of all your teaching?”

The Buddha answered, “My teachings cannot help with your unique set of 83 problems because that’s  part of why you’e here – to experience them and grow, but perhaps my teaching can help you with your 84th problem?”

“What’s that?” asked the farmer.

“The 84th problem is that you don’t want to have any problems.”

You will always have problems.  Life is always changing.  But becoming the master of your Self and knowing that you are a spiritual being having a human experience will bring freedom to all your experiences.

Self mastered individuals learn to release their ego attachments. They learn to manage their minds, rehabilitate their emotions, and raise their personal vibration and so can you.

How happy you are is directly proportional to how tied you are to a certain outcome, situation, or the actions, comments, and thoughts of others.

How happy your are is directly proportional to how free you choose to be.

You can choose freedom. The choice comes in the thoughts you choose to think and the emotions you create based on your thoughts.

You can free yourself from perceived suffering …

One thought at a time.

One feeling at a time.

VC Inspiration

Veronica Connors, M.Ed., CSLC

veronicaconnors.com

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