So Valentine’s Day was yesterday.
Saint Valentine married people who were being shunned in his society. Sweet!
Many of us still celebrate his devotion to love by trying to show our loved ones how much we appreciate them on Valentine’s Day. Not always an easy thing, right? Sometimes we get it right and some times we get it so wrong!
Now our puppy Ori – she’s pretty ease to please. Showing her love is not very complicated. She loves belly rubs, to run along side us when we bike, her favourite toys – lamby, hedgehog, and squirrel. She loves frozen pb treats and digging in the snow and laying in any puddles of water she can find. She also loves getting her picture taken.
It’s so easy to show her love because her language of love is very easy to understand. Just look how happy she is posing for this pic.
People can be a little more challenging to love than our pets. Not because they are less loveable but because we humans have different languages of love. Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages can help you figure it out.
One thing I’ve learned as a Spiritual Teacher is that our basic need is to be validated. But the tricky part is figuring out how those in your life feel validation. In other words, what are their languages of love?
Dr. Chapman’s background is in the area of anthropology and linguistics. He studied many languages and how to communicate beyond language. He realized that to communicate effectively we must learn the language of those we communicate with. After 30 years of marriage counselling, Dr. Chapman realized the same was true for marriages. He discovered that each person had their own way of feeling loved. “Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English.” It gets a lot easier to “LOVE” your partner when you understand their love language.
There are 5 languages of Love:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
If your partner’s language is primarily words of affirmation then compliments, hearing “I love you”, or a good ole fashioned love letter on valentine’s may please her more than the elaborate night out you plan every year.
You can take a test to find out your language of love. Better still ask your partner to take the test too. Usually you have a combination of the five languages of love. One or two will stand out.
Seldom do partners have the same love language and we often try to give our spouse the gifts we wish we were receiving ourselves. But perhaps it’s time to learn your partner’s secondary and maybe even primary language. Speaking his emotional language can help bring those loving feelings to the forefront of your day, everyday, helping you create a long-lasting and satisfying relationship.
Maybe you’ll look forward to the next Valentine’s Day because you’ll know just how to show your partner how much they are loved. Maybe you’ll look forward to tomorrow because you are better equipped to create those lovable moments.
Happy Heart Day!
B.Ed, M.Ed, CSLC
Spiritual Life Coach, Author, Self Mastery Teacher
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