If I loved myself I would …

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I recently had a great conversation with a group of women about Self Love.

We talked about a lot of things it is and isn’t.

It’s Not about pie in the sky, Pollyanna thinking, or spouting endless affirmations that mean nothing to you.  It’s Not about thinking you can’t love others as you grow your own self love.  It’s Not about selfishness either. Well, it kinda IS about a good kind of selfishness.

It’s more about filling yourself up in ways that work for you no matter what others think.  Protecting your emotional or physical boundaries even whet it’s uncomfortable. Learning to move into or out of relationships or situations that don’t line up with who you are on the inside, despite the fear of change.  Meeting your own emotional needs instead of asking others to do it for you.

It’s about speaking and acting from a place of peace and understanding. It’s  knowing deeply that a bit of you resides in everyone and everything on this planet. It’s the wise teaching to do unto others as you would have done unto you. Because really self love is simply about loving others too as you can’t treat others poorly and love yourself at the same time. Not possible.  

There’s more. It’s also about Loving what is in the moment because right now it can’t be anything other than it is.  Loving others in the moment because right now they can’t be anything other than what they are . Loving yourself despite your flaws and mistakes because right now you can be no different in this moment.

Essentially, self love is loving yourself into the fullest, truest version of who you are and it takes acceptance,  awareness, and inner excavation. It requires patience,  insight, and stillness. It means asking “What’s the most loving thing I can say or not say, do or not do, think or not think.”  When you ask the questions the answers will come.

This love opens potential. It creates space. It relaxes resistance.  It gives you room to breathe.

It helps you notice when you’re off tract and gives you space to recalibrate for your next step.  Sometimes that next step is to do nothing. Sometimes, it’s more inner excavation until you reach some clarity.

If you’re wondering what to do in a situation ask yourself this question:

If I loved myself I would …

or

The most loving thing to do is…

Keep coming up with answers until you reach an aha moment.

With Love

Veronica

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Like this post? I recommend for you: Self Mastery The Art of Becoming You 

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Happy Cancerversary!?

Happy Cancerversary.

It’s not something I ever thought I’d be saying to my daughter at the age of 15.

It’s not something I’m even sure how to express.

But we have celebrated her cancerversary for the past three years and each year it means something different.

This week was Grace’s third cancerversary, and again we attempt to honour her journey through Leukemia.

Three years ago we moved into an altered state of existence and I feel like we are just beginning to  wake up!

Just starting to live more fully again.  Just starting to breathe more deeply.

To relax into the possibility that everything will be ok.

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Still struggling with the disease.  Still struggling with fear and the heartbreak of not knowing.

Chocolate cake to celebrate.

Grace and her brother Harry, had a taste and then beat it up – smashed it to pieces.

Wrestling with what was going on, with a dash of “We’ll beat this” thrown in.

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Cancerversary #2

Still struggling to reach a stable response.

Sad and fearful at times.

Not knowing when things would become “normal” again.

That year, we ate the cake!

A pensive moment beforehand.

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Cancerveresary #3

At “Light it up Pink at Marble.”

A good way to support others fighting cancer.

Mostly a meaningful way to mark Grace’s journey at Year 3.

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A moment of release.

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Hopefully for good.

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Some things we learned along the way:

Do the most important thing in front of you at the time.

That might just be putting one foot in front of the other.

Next, move the other foot.

Crisis instantly brings an opportunity for acceptance.

There’s always a choice.

Accepting the unacceptable is a gift you give yourself.

When things get really scary, take a breath and remember the big picture.

Basically there is only love.

Love each other.

Love yourself.

Pour some more love into the situation.

The next time you find yourself faced with crisis, fear, anger, torment, and suffering.

Try not to push it away or keep it at bay.

Walk towards it.

Explore the fear.

Move deeply into it.

Sit beside the suffering.

As Pema Chodron said, “Right down there in the thick of things, we discover the love that will not die.”

With Love,

Veronica

Veronica Connors, B.Ed., M.Ed., CSLC

Author, Spiritual Life Coach, Self Mastery Teacher

www.veronicaconnors.com

veronica.connors@nf.sympatico.ca

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