If I loved myself I would …

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I recently had a great conversation with a group of women about Self Love.

We talked about a lot of things it is and isn’t.

It’s Not about pie in the sky, Pollyanna thinking, or spouting endless affirmations that mean nothing to you.  It’s Not about thinking you can’t love others as you grow your own self love.  It’s Not about selfishness either. Well, it kinda IS about a good kind of selfishness.

It’s more about filling yourself up in ways that work for you no matter what others think.  Protecting your emotional or physical boundaries even whet it’s uncomfortable. Learning to move into or out of relationships or situations that don’t line up with who you are on the inside, despite the fear of change.  Meeting your own emotional needs instead of asking others to do it for you.

It’s about speaking and acting from a place of peace and understanding. It’s  knowing deeply that a bit of you resides in everyone and everything on this planet. It’s the wise teaching to do unto others as you would have done unto you. Because really self love is simply about loving others too as you can’t treat others poorly and love yourself at the same time. Not possible.  

There’s more. It’s also about Loving what is in the moment because right now it can’t be anything other than it is.  Loving others in the moment because right now they can’t be anything other than what they are . Loving yourself despite your flaws and mistakes because right now you can be no different in this moment.

Essentially, self love is loving yourself into the fullest, truest version of who you are and it takes acceptance,  awareness, and inner excavation. It requires patience,  insight, and stillness. It means asking “What’s the most loving thing I can say or not say, do or not do, think or not think.”  When you ask the questions the answers will come.

This love opens potential. It creates space. It relaxes resistance.  It gives you room to breathe.

It helps you notice when you’re off tract and gives you space to recalibrate for your next step.  Sometimes that next step is to do nothing. Sometimes, it’s more inner excavation until you reach some clarity.

If you’re wondering what to do in a situation ask yourself this question:

If I loved myself I would …

or

The most loving thing to do is…

Keep coming up with answers until you reach an aha moment.

With Love

Veronica

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Like this post? I recommend for you: Self Mastery The Art of Becoming You 

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What Delights You? What Seeps into Your Consciousness even after you push it away?

I’m coming to the end of a very long and mostly uphill climb.

Writing a book.

It’s called Soul Steps:52 Ways to Reconnect with Spirit.

I think it was in 2009 that I first invited two friends and colleagues to join a writing project with me.

Although I’ve known this to be an important goal that required completion, it’s been very tedious at times.

A very long journey!

One requiring much patience, respect, open hearted communication, humility, tenacity, education, endurance, love, and ultimately so much growth along the way.

We are on the final stages of the layout now as the last edits sit with the publisher. (Pssst… secret … there are no FINAL edits! Writers are never satisfied with their work.)

There were moments when I didn’t know how it would be completed.

Times when I didn’t even want to look at it.

Even a few years where it lay dormant. Untouched.

But something in me knew this was a project that required my devotion.

Even during those dormant years it crept into my consciousness, calling me back to it’s purpose.

No matter how much patience it took, no matter how many rocks in the road, no matter what shade the nay sayers threw my way, I knew deep down it was part of my path.

Do you have something niggling at you like that?

Do you have a desire to complete a course of study, a secret project, a special hobby? To start a business, learn a skill, go on a journey?

Are you harbouring a message from your inner knowing that has a way of seeping into your consciousness?  A little candle burning in the window for when you come home?

Trust that your Spirit has your back. It knows where you’re headed. Whatever “It” is, it will keep coming back to you time and time again to get your attention. To nudge you forward.  Maybe it’s part of your purpose. Maybe it’s your joy. Maybe it’s both.

Here’s an excerpt from the workbook section in Soul Steps on listening to your Spirit:

“The noise associated with fear is what keeps most of us from moving forward. Where are you allowing this noise to shout over the calm messages from spirit?  Can you let go of this fearful voice in pursuit of growth and happiness? Don’t trample your desire to move out of darkness with fearful thoughts. Move lightly towards them. Realize that any thoughts that feed your fear are from the ego. The ego is hurried, loud, and dramatic. The Spirit is consistent, kind, and calm. Let your Spirit sit in the driver’s seat and watch for signs in repeated positive thoughts, in softer words, and in an impulse towards uplifting and inspired action. Only move towards what feels loving and delightful to you. Finish these sentences: If I wasn’t afraid I would … If I acted from love I would … The most delightful thing to do is …”

So what’s niggling at you?

What’s trying to get your attention?

I know that writing is something that delights me, despite its obstacles and blemishes.

If you could do anything (and you can), what’s the most delightful thing you would do?

With Love, Veronica

 

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Veronica Connors B.Ed, M.Ed, CSLC

http://www.veroincaconnors.com

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Did you have a Happy Valentine’s Day?

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So Valentine’s Day was yesterday.

Saint Valentine married people who were being shunned in his society. Sweet!

Many of us still celebrate his devotion to love by trying to show our loved ones how much we appreciate them on Valentine’s Day.  Not always an easy thing, right? Sometimes we get it right and some times we get it so wrong!

Now our puppy Ori – she’s pretty ease to please.  Showing her love is not very complicated.  She loves belly rubs, to run along side us when we bike, her favourite toys – lamby, hedgehog, and squirrel.  She loves frozen pb treats and digging in the snow and laying in any puddles of water she can find.  She also loves getting her picture taken.

It’s so easy to show her love because her language of love is very easy to understand.  Just look how happy she is posing for this pic.

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People can be a little more challenging to love than our pets.  Not because they are less loveable but because we humans have different languages of love.  Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages can help you figure it out.

One thing I’ve learned as a Spiritual Teacher is that our basic need is to be validated. But the tricky part is figuring out how those in your life feel validation. In other words, what are their languages of love?

Dr. Chapman’s background is in the area of anthropology and linguistics. He studied many languages and how to communicate beyond language. He realized that to communicate effectively we must learn the language of those we communicate with. After 30 years of marriage counselling, Dr. Chapman realized the same was true for marriages.  He discovered that each person had their own way of feeling loved. “Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English.”  It gets a lot easier to “LOVE” your partner when you understand their love language.

There are 5 languages of Love:

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Receiving Gifts

Acts of Service

Physical Touch

If your partner’s language is primarily words of affirmation then compliments, hearing “I love you”, or a good ole fashioned love letter on valentine’s may please her more than the elaborate night out you plan every year.

You can take a test to find out your language of love. Better still ask your partner to take the test too.  Usually you have a combination of the five languages of love. One or two will stand out.

Seldom do partners have the same love language and we often try to give our spouse the gifts we wish we were receiving ourselves.  But perhaps it’s time to learn your partner’s secondary and maybe even primary language.   Speaking his emotional language can help bring those loving feelings to the forefront of your day, everyday, helping you create a long-lasting and satisfying relationship.

Maybe you’ll look forward to the next Valentine’s Day because you’ll know just how to show your partner how much they are loved. Maybe you’ll look forward to tomorrow because you are better equipped to create those lovable moments.

Take the Test

Happy Heart Day!

Veronica

B.Ed, M.Ed, CSLC

Spiritual Life Coach, Author, Self Mastery Teacher

www.veronicaconnors.com

veronica.connors@nf.sympatico.ca

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